poetry & written works

There were always in me, two women at least,

one woman desperate and bewildered,

who felt she was drowning and another who

would leap into a scene, as upon a stage,

conceal her true emotions because they

were weaknesses, helplessness, despair,

and present to the world only a smile,

an eagerness, curiosity, enthusiasm, interest.

-Anais Nin


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Black Petals


Our love motivates a symphony of boundless doubt,

that crawls beneath my ability to perceive you.


All daggers and black petals for my skin,

clinging like an uninvited daydream,  you threaten me.


Thinking I’m full of softness when softness should be revered,

we choke on this dismantled air-

  molding the moment between us to shreds   and   shreds.


Undefined and valueless are my shames,

that our love unravels,

forms a virus beseeching my bluing blood,

claiming our sentences will form a vacancy of years

   and years will form misinterpreted words,

exchanged unevenly,

   they implode.


All dulling daggers and wilted petals I’m still here, 

  empty of my softness where softness should be mirrored.


May  2007:

Etched in Red


The shade of your stand

speaks for me   and I cannot linger.

It’s true

these messages in red are foretelling  of you.

They elicit the truth with savage empathy.

“If there is never any ending

  how can we begin?”


I consume the texture of your unclaimed needs,

complexly lustful,

I breathe in.

When he divides what is left of my unnurtured self,

I falter to survive.

Agreeing in life and death

my desire is still,

Caged in colors to remain unseen,

my prussian sky stained   in my silence.


Your persuasion so like my own

swiftly finds me.

“Above and beyond”  damaged attempts to love and be loved

remains the only chance of our finding,

a beginning etched in our future.

“Don’t let me down”, yet I have fallen out of trusting.

I want to know,

Will these messages etched in red leave me scarred in my memories?

    Or  will you ravage my soul in the spaces that can only be claimed by you? 


December  2007:

Red Clouds


There are red clouds   forming stairs

   full of unnatural silences

interrupting my amorous movements.


I’m not dreaming

    yet I have to say “goodnight and go”?

I’m not awake

    but I cannot find you here,

    in the absence of light

    carrying my cries beneath your skin

    controlling my thoughts of you

    with every stormy texture of your voice

    speaking outside your fears.


“I want your love”.

The possibility to abandon all of this hopelessness,

faute de mieux

I see you beyond my heart,

I paint with impossibility

   “to build a wall between us”.


April 2008:



So much, these years framed in October’s shadow.

Seems no one else is quite as cold…warming my lips with your choice of port.

Your choice.

I am just as lonely, and even more complicated than on that eve before my innocence

  was relinquished.

“My addiction to the world I falter”.

I love you now as I loved you then.

Tainted and charred with days of trying…and trying change. It will always be for you I write.

Will always be for myself,

  that I paint…painting portraits whose faces are absent.


We have yet to reclaim our happiness.

In one another we breathe the life that is left yet to take its twelfth breath.

I am your most loyal fan…assembling these truths with careful honesty.

I will not give you up, like a poison and a passion,   

   a lavender scented moment that clings in all my defining memories – you are

        MY fountain of awareness…

“Inside hope”, i know the waves will break to Prussian skies

     illuminating your soul in the purest rain…always glowing.



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